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  • Overcoming False Stories – PLUS: The Christian Author’s Guide to Telling a Lie

Overcoming False Stories – PLUS: The Christian Author’s Guide to Telling a Lie

May 9, 2013
overcoming negative thoughts by stacking stories on top of each other

Balance by darktaco on sxc.hu

Have you ever caught yourself believing in an idea about yourself that wasn’t true?

Usually this happens right after you’ve suffered from the results of that lie:

  • Low self esteem
  • Feelings of being trapped
  • Seeing yourself as invulnerable to temptation, greed, or deception, etc.
  • The loss of a key relationship, job, friendship, opportunity

After several days/weeks/months of slogging through emotional mud, we gain enough distance to see that – yep, we’ve been duped. Sold a bill of bad goods. Pulled the itchy wool over our own eyes.

And in hindsight, this didn’t need to happen. But then it happens again, and again, and again. Our brain is the Energizer Bunny of lies.

Why does this happen? How can we change our beliefs and be stronger people?

In this post, we’ll explore the topic together.

—

A Christian Author’s Guide to Telling a Lie

How to tell a lie and get away with it?

By believing it yourself.

1. You take an event, and give it meaning.

For the first 16-26 years of our lives, other people gave meaning to our events for us.  Teachers tell us whether we’re smart or hard working based on whether we did our homework, or what grade we got. Parents discipline us based on how bad they believe we screwed up, or even how they feel about life at that moment.

 “As soon as you’re born, they make you feel small.” – John Lennon

Back then, you didn’t have the tools, skills, or awareness to separate truth from falsehood. None of us did. Is it fair that these scripted moments serve as the foundation for our self esteem? No.

Don’t use this as an excuse to stay where you are. Instead, take this chance to remove any self-loathing you may have about being deceived.

2. Then, we find events and line them up with the story we already believe.

I don’t love watching the news. Instead, I love is watching other people watch the news. It’s more entertaining, and often more informative.

Why? Wolf Blitzer, Rachel Maddow, Sean Hannity, Glenn Beck – familiar names if you live in the U.S. – they deliver information and build their audience based on what a lot of people already believe, or want to believe. Their reporting is fused with predetermined context, and people keep watching because they experience a wide range of emotions all relating to – and challenging – their own belief systems.

What confirmation biases do you think of when you see this image?

the white house by emitea at sxc.hu

What is ‘America’?

What does it mean to have ‘good values’?

‘Who’ is ‘trying to destroy’ the country?

What ‘realistic answers’ can be offered to ‘improve our national situation’?

Each of these carry their own meanings to different people. When we see a barrage of events, one after another – we line them up according to our confirmation biases.

Confirmation bias – a process where we search for and interpret information that confirms what we already believe. Here is an article on science daily if you want more info about it.

Take an event, like a solar eclipse. Australians are lucky because today they can see one. Here’s an extreme example of solar eclipses that has been used in nearly every medieval time travel film: “If you kill me, I will blot out the sun with my great powers! [cue solar eclipse, the villagers free the hero] Okay, I will return to you the sun!”

This gambit worked because people back then had strong beliefs about solar eclipses being tied to magic, curses, etc. The Aztecs believed that they needed to make human sacrifices during an eclipse or else their god would remove the sun forever. Yikes!

So let’s bring the confirmation bias down to your day-to-day reality:

You may believe you have no value as a human being, as a character does in my book. If you do, when something happens that is neither good or bad – you will take that event and use your confirmation bias to strengthen the idea that you have no value.

  • Too many red-lights at intersections on your way to the store. Why does this always happen when I’m in a hurry?
  • Your teenage son wants to spend time out with friends rather than stay home on the weekend. Not even my own son cares about me!
  • Someone tells you that they fell asleep during your presentation. I’m a terrible speaker. Or, I’m wasting my time talking to these ingrates!

If something fantastic happens, you won’t cherish and enjoy it.

Instead:

  • you’ll brace for impact, because this relationship was too good to last anyway.
  • hedge your bets, because you’re bad at selling and need something more concrete.
  • You’ll stay emotionally detached, so you won’t risk rejection or failure.
  • Or you may even resent a challenge to your belief system. How dare someone actually want to help me? What did I do for them? They just want to use me later!

3. Until finally, You actually believe the lie.

Then it’s easy to tell a lie to yourself. That’s right, the best way to tell a lie is to actually believe it – 100%.

Of course, if it’s a lie, then we’re deceiving ourselves, and we never really ‘get away’ with it.

With that in mind, how many lies to we all tell, without even knowing it?!

Stepping Stones to Truth

how to overcome negative thinking - one step at a time

stepping stones by dunkst3r on sxc.hu

First of all, recognize that for much of your life, you didn’t have the awareness or skills needed to know this information. Most of the lies are not your fault.

They are IN you, but they AREN’T you.

Now you can do something about it. In my third book (affiliate link), life coach Brian Shaul and I devote an entire section to changing your thought patterns. I recommend you check it out. Until then, here’s something you can use to get started.

Pay attention to your thoughts. If you can, write them down. A good question to ask in any situation where you feel nervous, weak, or scared is: why do you feel scared?

When your brain gives you reasons, write those down too.

Are those legitimate reasons? Not an easy question to answer. Here are some questions that may spark some insight into this:

  • Who told you this reason first?
  • What event did they use to build on that story?
  • Did this person have anything to gain by telling you this?
  • Were they relying on you for things they shouldn’t have?
  • Were they denying their own ability to be responsible for their emotions and actions?

Did this interpretation or story help you? Maybe it did for a time, but that time has passed and it’s time for change.

If that story didn’t help you, write down a different meaning to the story based upon what you now know.

Start telling yourself the new story. Here’s the fun part. The next time you’re in the emotional throes of a life event, you’ll snap out of it and realize: this is an opportunity to shape your belief systems.

But how do you know whether something is true?

Too big an answer for just this blog post. The short version for me is in John 8:32

 ‘the truth will set you free’

Lies are designed to trap you – to give control of your life over to something else that’s not worth even touching. If you come out of this exercise with your brain being filled with ideas of what you can do to improve your situation, have better relationships, less fear, and greater love, then you’re on the right path.

Will I ever be done with this?

This is a lifelong quest. If you aren’t dead, then you’re not done. We are never 100% in truth –  all we can do is live our lives in closer  to truth than we had the day before. Do that enough times, and things will get better.

The best strategy of all: If you want to get out of a lie, find ways to get feedback from other people. The best feedback will come from trustworthy people who don’t have anything to gain or lose by reinforcing a false belief. Accountability will sting sometimes, but that small sting is nothing compared to a lifetime of being trapped.

In Behavioral Change, Personal Growth , , , ,
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